Exceptional food like papait, steamed kamote tops, bangus innards, green mangoes, almondigas the size of rocks seeping spicy, sweet vinegar and Goldilocks cakes.
Good friends and you know who you are
PAL (nobody clapped when the plane landed, not that I ever minded this).
AC and non-AC buses that are just the right size
Not seeing or hearing from people you never really cared to ever see or hear from again
Annoying Philippine things
Amin, ginawa da lan chips (is it even healthy??)
45-minute traffic on a 2km stretch of road
People you know who actually know better, but whose politics are different from yours
Three meals a day plus snacks in between
ZERO planning for where to build things; so does it mean that we’re gonna get a fucking 7-11 in front of our house?
Fending off sales staff at Watsons (fucking leave me alone!! Do you honestly think I need niacinamide????)
Christmas 2025
I started this post with, ‘after the gifts have been opened and the food eaten..’ but then stopped myself. Don’t overthink it. The question is very simple- did you have a great Christmas? And if the answer is yes, then that’s all there is to it.
For better or worse, through thick and thin, you should be spending your life with only those who truly matter.
3 Days Before Christmas
5 Days Before Christmas
The food train continues. But did you know that aside from its cholesterol content, fried chicken is not a bad food item if you’re watching your carbs?? This is what makes KFC special- because you only have it once a year.
As I’m writing this - off to the airport in about two hours- I’m running a mental check of what I may have forgotten to pack. Mental note next time to ask for an additional checked bag. Another mental note to pare down (yes, two shoes will suffice if you’re just running around Binmaley lol).
We had a pre-Christmas gift-opening just so we could have that satisfying feeling of being pleased at what a no-children lifestyle can allow you to afford lol. One of my friends who is an accountant (which says a lot about her pragmatism), complained about her kids’ Christmas wish-list. “Asking for so much, when I get really low returns,’ she said and I totally get it. Growing up, my mother always pointed out the effort and expense spent on our upbringing and it’s years later, as an adult, did I realise what that really meant. For me, it means an obligation to myself and to my parents to do better. Because when that works out well, it’s a win-win right?
The Weekend
Unglazed windows, cheap cabinets that I keep being accused of breaking (if they were better quality, they wouldn't break was my defence!), a kitchen needing renovation. Lily woke me up earlier than usual and when I sleepily trudged upstairs to give her some food, the view of the peninsula was an ironic reminder of why our crumbling palace was worth so much, in spite of..
Everything’s in bloom. I’ve had this Tahitian lime and this olive tree for over years and I’ve seen kids grow bigger and taller in a year. Now suddenly, they’re bearing fruit.
So much food, so little time. Clams + garlic + butter + white wine + fresh pasta.
We just went to the mall to buy fresh jandals at Havaianas and there it was- the walkway to the new Ikea just across. The Sunday crowd was okay but if you’re hoping to get some food, the queue was over an hour and a half, and for what? Meatballs and $2 hotdog?? I bet the food lines in Gaza are quicker. The kitchen stuff was intriguing; you pick a kit, they make measurements and consultations with you and if you get cold feet putting everything yourself, they have installation referral. A basic one starts at a startling $2,227 (for comparison with our two-bathroom, 1 toilet, 1 laundry reno, our bathroom vanity cost more than that).
11 days to Christmas
It’s so easy to mistake discomfort from 28-degree heat as being an unsettling feeling about the world in general. But this is just me. New Zealand summer is unwaveringly clear, the sky a flat expanse of blue. It’s so harsh that a couple of years back, I noticed that half my face was darker than the other; the result of an entire summer walking home from the bus stop, the sun shining to my right. The saying goes that there’s a big hole in the ozone just above New Zealand. Higher rates of cancer, they say, but I’m more philosophical. You get to see things a bit clearer than most people.
I used to hate summer. I’m that person who revels in the gloomy, moody greys of a rainstorm or a drizzly winter’s day. But things change, and people change. Go out into the light and do something. Get out of your head.
You’re actually fortunate that you live in a country where undiluted common decency prevails.
Food anxiety
I saw it on Instagram, some influencer preaching the benefits of canned sardines as a super ketogenic food. I don’t really care if it’s true. I’ve been on a nearly ketogenic way of eating the last two months or so- I just eyeball everything and if I want to eat carbs, then I eat carbs- and at the risk of sounding like a doctor, I can say that I’m in a perfectly stable (ketogenic??) state.
I don’t feel hungry. I have constant energy. I work out regularly within the safety zone of my shoulder injury. My weight has stayed in the same 74-75 kg range, even as I found myself again comfortably fitting into size 28-30 pants though I can’t really wear them anymore because my thighs and glutes have become more substantial.
So I know it’s working and most importantly, I don’t over-think it like I used to. I have more important concerns than agonising whether to have shredded lettuce with a miso-yuzu dressing or pan-fried eggplant slices with my gochujang-spiced Wagyu beef mince.
Most of the time, food is just fuel and nourishment. But it doesn’t mean surviving on nothing but boring steamed vegetables and grilled chicken. Every so often, you discover that little things like canned sardines and smoked seafood make for a tasty canapes-like meal.
Trouble is, in less than 12 days, it’s the holidays and it’s giving me a bit of anxiety. There’s no itinerary, more of a food schedule.
Dec 19: pre-departure dinner
Dec 20: catch-up drinks and maybe dinner with two of my closest friends
Dec 21: Buffet breakfast at the hotel/ lunch at the mall with cousins
Dec 21: Dinner when we arrive home
Dec 22:Catch-up lunch out/ another dinner
Dec 23: Catch-up coffees with close friends
Dec 24: Noche Buena, alcohol
Dec 25: leftovers and more food
Dec 26: Family Reunion
21 Days Before Christmas
I’ve just been busy the last two weeks that I didn’t notice that all I was eating was protein, which lately, is so easy when it’s everywhere. Protein wraps, protein water, protein canned soup and my favourite, protein-dense coconut yoghurt which has the consistency and flavour of really soft cheesecake, yum! And then one day, boom! You’re on the toilet doing a dump and you can feel it- your shit is as dense and heavy as a damned brick!
So many treats popping up but at this point, I’ve gone far beyond the initial plateau, the constant, irksome cravings. It’s a feeling of triumph tinged with a bit of sadness to stroll through a Dutch deli on Black Friday and leave with NOTHING (pistachio stollen bites, tres leches stroopwafels and Gouda cheese half-price).
Finished my test packing, and it came in at 14kgs, 16 kgs more stuff to possibly put in. Now how am I going to fill it up on my return? Clothes aren’t necessarily cheap in the Philippines (the good kind anyway) and there’s nothing I hate more than going to the mall during the holidays looking for stuff. Maybe I’ll get canned tuyo or bangus or something and tons of dried mangoes.
We found a drowned wax-eye bird in the pail of water on the deck. I read somewhere that curing the browned tips of my indoor never never plants involved only watering them with distilled water. So we’ve placed a couple of buckets around the house to capture rain-water. Our hypothesis is that the wax-eye flew onto the glass sliding door, got knocked out and fell into the pail which sits just in front of the door. Poor bird. Don’t know which is a worse fate, drowning or being eaten by the cat.
By the age of 50, you should be wise enough to let go of these 20 things
I saw this on Facebook and I thought why the hell not, let me post this. For the record, I don’t have a personal Facebook account anymore. I just have a professional one for work to manage our socials. Every so often, Meta recommends me someone I know and I just shake my head sadly; I’m done and fuck you Mark Zuckerberg.
But this was cute, so..
The illusion of control. This is the thing- learn to distinguish the difference between control and being organised. Sure, every plan and preparation can go awry, but if you don’t organise your life in anticipation of what may come whatever it is, you’ll end up worse off (eg. use sunscreen EVERY DAY damn it!).
The need to prove yourself. I never had to because work and actions always speak for themselves. However you do need to prove to yourself that you’ve changed; that you’re not lying to yourself, that you’re not making excuses, and that you’ve truly given 101% of yourself.
Carrying grudges. I don’t have a lot, so I’m going to indulge myself in carrying some a bit longer.
Trying to fix everyone. I never have.
The fear of change. I love change because it does what I never seem to have the courage to doing- doing it myself.
Toxic loyalty. As someone who has never really had a big social circle, I never had this problem.
The comparison trap. Ha! I’m shallow when it comes to this. I’ve never cared about someone else’s career or wealth because I know that I can never compete with that, but it will bother me if they’ve found a way to make their neck area a bit firmer (I’ve been noticing a thinning of my neck skin and I’m struggling to find an effective way to reverse this- suggestions anyone??).
The addiction to busyness. I don’t mind this, I’m more concerned about the quality of this busyness- am I getting results equal to what I’m putting in??
Guilt for prioritising yourself. The first lesson I ever learned was, put yourself first because if you’ve done that, you’re in a better position to help others should they ask for it.
Old identities. I’m a different person every year and that’s a conscious effort on my part.
Unrealistic expectations of others. Never cared about how people choose to deal with me; just don’t be an asshole because I’ll fuck you up.
Overthinking the past. I don’t remember 89% of my past because what’s the point?
The chase for perfection. They say that it’s a moving target that robs joy, but so is settling and saying this will do. Be wise in choosing the things that you want to be perfect because in the end when you do get it, you realise that true perfection is a standard that you yourself have set.
Defining worth through productivity. Don’t be a fucking Gen Z lol. Your value is BOTH what you’ve produced and the presence you’ve brought into it.
Arguing with people committed to misunderstanding you. I’ve never met someone personally or professionally who was like this to me, but if I did, I’ll do everything in my power to get rid of them as quickly as possible (sorry, just finished watching The Beast In Me and I’m having a Nile Jarvis moment).
The belief that love alone sustains relationships. You’re an idiot if you’ve believed this lol.
Blaming your parents forever. Mmmmmmm. I keep trying to find something to blame them for. Maybe if I found a couple, I can finally find some fodder for that novel lol.
The fear of starting over. It’s not fear, it’s more of laziness. Ugh, do I have to start again??
People-pleasing. I’m not a people pleaser, I’m just nice and everyone actually says so. Plus I feel sad when everyone else ignores that special person with the propensity to tell you all her child-dramas when you’re making coffee in the office kitchen.
The need to have it all figured out. What’s wrong with trying to eliminate uncertainty now that you have AI lol??
27 Days Before Christmas
When I was in my teens and knowing that a long Christmas break was at hand, I would take the opportunity to make a list of stuff I wanted to do or change for the new year ahead. I didn’t really wait until the stroke of midnight when the 1st day of the new year rolled in to make some spontaneous resolution. I knew even that it took effort, planning and dedication to make stuff happen. And the things I wanted to do and change were small, stupid teenage stuff like working out and building muscle (which didn't really happen until I was in my late 20s), learning French (got a 2.5 for it as a university elective which pulled down my average) and to succeed at literally everything whatever that meant.
I found this book you see, at my dad’s ancestral house, an old hardbound copy of Napoleon Hill’s The Law of Success and I was amazed that there could even be a blue-print for that, and explained clearly and painstakingly which was so unlike my mom’s unhelpful rebukes (after I had failed and then what?) or my dad’s silence (he was always busy).
But it’s a habit I’ve carried ever since and while I’m not rich, muscled or spectacularly successful, I am here and I am happy, and I am content, and I am still making lists, so…
fried chicken wings for your thoughts
For once, what could have been a much belaboured plan turned out to be okay. Walk to Chemist warehouse, don’t forget to get body-wash, then supermarket for a pack of salad for S, get some of that deli chicken for Lily, get an Arepa (there wasn’t any of the sugar-free ones), then last stop McDonalds for the chicken wings before walking back to the office.
It was okay because the wings turned out to be great; well-seasoned breading, not too thin and not too thick, bigger than usual and meaty chicken pieces. Someone said that the price of $7 was scandalous, a sign of where we currently are, a world in financial, as well as moral and climatic crises (well, you might as well throw in these other two).
But this is my thing with food; I put the world aside when I’m eating something as mundane as fried chicken. It’s food. It’s something you love (I do). It’s my choice. You’ve made your peace with it. You want to enjoy it.
And I did (also threw in a Fillet O’Fish which I hadn’t had in a long time).
Those hot days
R and K parked at the front of the building and came down the disability ramp as if they were in a fashion show, and they looked it too with their long, tanned torsos and bare arms swathed in off-white asymmetrically cut and tightly wound-up linen. They were also holding aloft a box of Dunkin Donuts. Oh no, Lord.
But it was, and I told S later that to my (delayed) horror, I had become that annoying person who refused or declined, or gave away gifts because they were dieting, were lactose-intolerant, had coeliac, or were ridiculously triggered by anything that was not a fair-trade product. In my case, I had not had any form of sugar or carbs for the last 72 hours and I wasn’t about to surrender over what, Dunkin??
But thankfully, like all attractive, physically-perfect people R and K understood these things. ‘Well that’s good, keep it up’ R said, flashing perfect, white teeth and she also meant it. Hmmm
Did you know that if you get your coffee at Starbucks, you’d be hard-pressed to get a Keto-friendly drink? I asked ChatGPT about this and this it what it spit out:
A simple, solid choice is a Tall (12 oz) Hot Americano (espresso + hot water) with a splash of heavy cream (or full-fat milk) and no added sugar or syrups.
The basic hot brewed coffee/americano from Starbucks has very low carbs.
By skipping syrups, flavour shots, whips, etc., you minimise hidden sugars and carbs.
🛠 Customisation Tips to Keep It Keto
Given your low-carb goals (and your focus on protein and energy), here are some tweaks:
Ask for heavy cream instead of 2% or skim — this gives you fat (good for keto) and very few carbs.
Or use unsweetened almond milk or coconut milk (some Starbucks locations offer these) to keep carbs lower.
Skip the flavoured syrups, sweet sauces, whipped cream, drip toppings — all of those typically add sugar and carbs.
If you like a bit of flavour: ask for a single pump of sugar-free vanilla syrup (if available in NZ) or a sprinkle of cinnamon.
Check portion size: stick with “Tall” or “Short” sizes where you’re less likely to get huge milk volume which increases carbs.
Hmmmm.
Is ignorance really bliss? Is there a downside to knowing a lot of things especially, when you can’t do anything about it? It seems that everywhere you look, and putting the man-made disasters aside, destruction and death is just around the corner.
And look at me- I can’t even function at temperatures that would be considered ideal in some countries. Lemme do the house-work later, or better still, let me do the housework at night when the temperature drops.
It doesn’t bother the cat though. Lily follows the sun along its path around the house; 10am on the deck, 2pm on the short couch; 3pm in the outside deck; 5pm and onwards on the stairs.
Let’s breed a billion cats and have them absorb the heat of the blistering sun.
All my favourite things (food)
I have to admit that only two things makes visiting the Philippines bearable; 1) family and close friends and 2) food.
Oh wait, lemme add a third: (hopefully) not accidentally seeing people you don’t want to see (ever again actually).
Sorry. It’s so hot today (a blistering 21 degrees) that it makes one unnecessarily catty and ungracious.
It’s so hot that the salad and baked nude chicken wings that I had planned for dinner seem too much except that I can’t stop thinking about food, especially food that I want to eat when I’m in the Philippines.
I’ve already reminded my sister-in-law about buying cakes probably on the 23rd. We asked my mom for a whole lechon for noche buena. I’ve recently asked the friends I’m meeting up in Manila when I arrive if they’d be interested in checking out the newly Michelin-minted Pinoy restaurants, but both of them said they weren't really foodies, so..anyways, I’ve made my usual list:
Boneless bangus for breakfast, lunch and dinner
Tuyo for breakfast, lunch and dinner
Catfish for breakfast, lunch and dinner
Shrimp for breakfast, lunch and dinner
Vigan longganisa
Carabao tapa
pork barbecue
bagnet
squid with ink
True native tilapia (the small variety), pan fried
oysters (if they’re nice)
Sisig
Goat the way my brother always prepares it
Lingayen tamales
Arorosep with tomatoes and onions
Saba bananas done every possible way
My sister-in-law’s mom’s pakbet
Papaitan (hope it’s in season)
Every dish in my cousin’s restaurant
Pigar-pigar
Mangoes
Unripe papaya in a tinola
Puto with margarine
Goldilocks polvoron
Quezo Real ice cream
Ube ice cream
Candied tamarind
Buro
Ruby’s siopao
Dinuguan
(last working) weekend
I thought I was going to get sick. I had this scratchy, niggle in my throat and I’ve lived long enough to know what that meant, so I got ahead of it by buying over a hundred dollar’s worth of (anti-bacterial) lozenges, throat-drops, paracetamol drinks and immune-shots.
I was describing it to my colleague and I told her to picture the illness just outside your door trying to get in, but you’ve barricaded it. But it’s there, waiting, this heavy, slightly stifling and itchy presence inside your head, right behind your eyes and nose.
I think it was Sunday- pack-up day- when I woke up and it was gone. I looked under the door just to make sure and there was no shadow, just the glare of the bright Taupo sun as it reflected off the lake. But it left a parting gift; I felt a congestion in my throat and nose as if I had eaten marshmallows in my sleep but didn't manage to keep it down.
I tried to hawk it up and didn’t really care if people in the other rooms heard me (I was doing it in the privacy of my own room anyway), and after a few tries when I thought I was going to throw up, it was expelled, a golem of a phlegm, green and grim. Bye!
First gift (for me) to go under the tree(s) that are still to be set up.
57 days before Christmas
We booked really early for our Christmas trip to the Philippines and got dirt-cheap economy flights. We also got I thought - well, I did anyway- plenty of time to prepare for it. But having the time you think you have is vastly different from having the actually energy and will power to use it wisely.
Well, I wouldn't say I have not used my time wisely, but rather, things take a different direction than you intended- and that’s okay.
We’re suddenly at the tail end of October and looking back, I can say that I’m mostly happy. But let me start with ticking off the things I wanted to do but wasn’t able to do:
1. Organise a balikbayan box for more of my shoes and clothes. I also wanted to have had included in the box, gifts for family. Shipping to New Zealand is expensive, and the few companies that ship boxes to the Philippines have short time-frames which I couldn’t meet as I wasn’t convinced that the gifts I wanted, were really suitable. The box would have to wait for next year as I still need to off-load my stuff, most of which have not even been worn.
2. Work out because with only one checked luggage, the only clothes I wanted to pack are shorts and singlets. And I need to look good in them. But then a scan showed that I had an asymptomatic torn shoulder, so I couldn’t really go all out in the gym. I tried focusing on just my legs and then realised my thighs wouldn’t fit into my pants. We never win the body-improvement game, regardless of what social media wants you to believe.
3. Finish some major work-stuff. Not even using AI could make things faster- ironically, one of my work projects is on AI.
But there’s a whole bunch of good stuff that I’ve been able to tick off:
1. Finalise Christmas gifts for everyone
2. Pre-ordered our favourite Christmas cake and ham (to have when I get back).
3. Finalised my work-project schedule for 1st quarter 2026
4. Finished 12 books.
5. Organised my desk
6. Organised an art piece (it’s not done yet, but confident I will finish it).
7. Had my sister-in-law buy new towels and to make sure to pre-order two cakes for Noche Buena; Black-Forest cake and Sans Rival from Red Ribbon.
8. Convinced my mother to have a whole Lechon for Noche Buena (my cholesterol is uhm, perfect).
9. Organised catch-ups with the only friends I want to see (you know who you are!).
10. Did a test packing of my single luggage (ugh, can’t really get more shoes in).
Thursday
Worked from home today for no other reason than that the weather was terrible—wild, heavy rain hammering most of the country, except for Auckland. And even when Auckland does get hit with a weather event, it’s usually somewhere else. We’ve lucked out, I guess, in the weather sweeps. God knows our clapboard house would take a beating if we ever copped the brunt of it.
Still, it’s awful to admit, but I miss a good old nasty storm.
“I miss a good old typhoon,” I once said out loud—and immediately got a scolding from my mother.
“What if you got your wish and it was Signal No. 4?” she shot back. Fair enough.
One of my earliest memories of a typhoon is walking the five meters from our old house to my aunt’s in the middle of the night, rain and raging wind on our backs, because there was a real danger our house might be blown away. I have fond memories of that old place—it was little more than a large nipa hut with bamboo slats for flooring, held up by thick hardwood logs embedded in concrete.
Even then, though, people knew it wouldn’t stand up to the seasonal storms that grow stronger every year. (Not long after, my parents took out a loan to build our current house.) The last time I was home, I don’t think there was a single house left in Naguilayan that wasn’t made of concrete and cement.
But as a child, the danger never really registered. What I remember most was the cozy kinship of being safe inside a solid house—drinking coffee (at night! a treat!) and listening to the hushed, slightly worried voices of the adults, tut-tutting at every whip and howl of the storm outside.
Of course, danger is always present with a typhoon. But as my dad always said, at least you’re given time to prepare—and you just need to make logical, sensible decisions.
Still, you never really know, do you? For some people, the odds are stacked unfairly against them, no matter how careful they are.
I just hope and pray that I’ll always find myself on the other side—warmly huddled in bed, with a cup of decaf in hand.
Today’s lunch: scrambled eggs with furikake and chilli oil.
Separation anxiety
We had to go away for a couple of days so we had to leave Lily at a cattery. She had been there before with no issue, but we still requested daily reports on how she was doing.
Friday’s one was funny; we brought in her specialist food, but being in a space shared with other cats presented an opportunity. She was probably sick of her own food that she gently pushed the other cats away and sampled their meals.
When we picked her up Sunday, all the other cats came to the screen partition at the first sign of human visitors. But not Lily; she was sitting inside one of the hutches up until we called out her name and she let out this cry that broke my heart before running to where we were.
The Weekend
Mondays
Did you know that a size 14 chicken only takes an hour and a half to cook in the oven?? So why not a roast chicken on a Monday? I usually do a whole clove of garlic mashed into olive oil flavoured with Old Bay seasoning, pepper and garlic-herb salt. Two hefty wedges of butter are inserted into each breast, just under the skin. I don’t normally do gravy, but since I’m having rice for this one, I’ve kept the juices and spiked it with a few lashings of Maggi seasoning.
Ugh, the gym is starting to smell (uhm, from the people working out) because the temperature is a bit warmer.
Spring is in full swing.
Rice and chicken take-away meals at the supermarket! (we live a part of Auckland where the ethnicity is partial to rice).
