i am alive
yesterday, today tomorrow
where the blue sky never changes
it is the same blue,
and I am me, the way I have always been
in my mind’s eye
where i live forever.
i am alive
yesterday, today tomorrow
where the blue sky never changes
it is the same blue,
and I am me, the way I have always been
in my mind’s eye
where i live forever.
Idle
Un-creative
Passive
Cruel
Weak
Selfish
Boring
Sad
Afraid
Fatalistic
Working too hard and actually liking it
Not being able to blog as often as I’d like
Crafting my best work- a comprehensive appeal to God on why I should win the lottery- and not winning anything
Not being able to determine if I’m inept at DIY things or if I’m just lazy
That I still can’t get my abs to show
Family members and friends who get divided by politics- like that is the STUPIDEST thing and I can hear Satan actually laughing in the background.
That winter last for only four months and not enough time to buy and wear all the beautiful coats you want
That 90% of content on Netflix and Neon is actually crap
When you realise you’ve wasted three hours on that crap
When time flies and doesn’t give a shit about you
I work at home when I usually need to do design and creative work and having peace and quiet helps.
This is the general area work space but I’m not feeling it
..is leftovers..I tried to do chicken cooked in pineapple but I ended up putting curry in it and mashed kumara and was not quite the Filipino dish that I was aiming for
Bought a cheap $99 Ikea desk which is going into this space
I would usually end up having up to 3 espressos when working at home
A whole work-week finally done. What did I accomplish? A lot actually. And the thing is, no matter how much I love my job or how interesting it is, I’ve never really blogged about it. It’s enough that after I clock out (while actually still doing snippets of work after work, on the weekends, on the bus, on my vacation…) there is little enough (just in my mind I believe) time or energy for personal stuff which is funny and ironical because the stuff I like to do after work is the same thing I do for work (insert that laughing emoji with tears).
But this week I managed to maintain a decent work-out routine. It helped I think that I got new shoes to motivate me (insert that laughing emoji again with the tears.)
I also got my new glasses and at the bus stop today I struggled juggling the damned things- take out the reading ones to read texts; put it back and put on the distance ones to check the bus time-table; put everything away and take out the sunnies because the bus is coming.
After having vowed never to buy Wayfarers again after having lost my fifth pair, I bought a new one (OMFG, insert that laughing emoji again with the tears ) because they were 60% off. Who can resist that tell me?
I had my yearly eye-test today which is sort of confusing because it’s supposed to be every two years, but I’ve been bombarded the last couple of weeks with reminders by OPSM, the eye-glass retailer that I’ve been going to since I started wearing prescription readers, to get one and so I did.
I’ve been obsessed with getting a pair of Tom Ford readers as well and hemmed and hawed all through-out the holiday season about getting one, but the prices never really got any lower (starts at $380). And because OPSM is quite expensive, I wasn’t about to spend nearly a thousand dollars bringing in a brand they don’t carry (which they should because they carry everything else like Prada, Armani, D&G etc) on top of putting new prescription lenses on them.
But I forgot all about the Tom Fords when I went into an OPSM shop and saw the lighter RX series of prescription frames by Ray-ban and of course I just had to get a new pair; I picked this one:
I got bi-focals last year but in that space of time, my general vision has deteriorated a bit. Below is how I see things; left is without glasses on and right, with glasses. It’s even gotten to a point where I bump into door-frames, protruding open shelves, table edges and basically everything at the periphery of my unaided vision.
The good thing about eye-exams is that they can also reveal whether you’re sick of something else like glaucoma, diabetes, cataracts etc. I had none of those thank God, but my cholesterol levels needed to be checked because the eyes can show cholesterol deposits as well and surprise, I have quite a few.
But that’s life- there’s nothing you can do with normal ageing and its effects, but you can manage what you eat.
The good thing about celebrating the New Year is that it’s not burdened by sentiment- that’s reserved for Christmas. You start afresh. There’s promise of a new beginning (whether you believe in that or not). The day literally transitions from an old day to a new one- and so can you.
The worst thing you can do is to mentally believe that nothing has changed.
This is what Doyet’s fridge looks like 3 days before Christmas
Days before Doyet was asking me if we could find a ‘sugar-free cake’. So search I did and felt confused when I came across confections that still had sugar, but that the sugar was ‘unrefined sugar’. And of course I had to be sure so Googled it I did and thought, when did the act of eating become so complicated?? The right thing to do was probably NOT to have a cake for Christmas; save the money (natural, organic cakes cost three times more) and save your health gains.
I have been very busy which I guess, is a good enough excuse to miss blogging. At some point I begin to question the whole point of this, and then ultimately, to question every other thing that I do that is not about work, or living (like eating properly, exercising, taking your meds, putting on moisturiser followed by a serum and then another moisturiser). I am after all, my work and I think, isn't that enough? It puts food on my table (good food), guarantees some security in my old age, makes me smug in the belief that I am actually happy.
So why don't I just leave it at that?
I started writing yesterday a post about how because of work and the winter season, I was on the road to catching a bad cold, but because I did my usual pre-emptive scorched-earth barrage of medication, I was able to arrest it- when I realised that I had written about this before. So here we are, millions of grams of drugs and pitchers of hot lemon-honey water later, feeling up to it I think. I'm off to a work thing down the much colder south island for three-days so taking the precautions and saying my prayers that my body holds.
Will my body hold? Such a fragile thing we think, but the sense of fragility is most often in our heads. A thought that crosses my mind every morning when I look in the mirror is, God I'm old- but of course it's a fact that no one is exempt from this.
So when I tuck into my kale and tuna salad at lunch even if my whole being is screaming for fried chicken and rice, I try to hang on to the belief that there is indeed something more to well-being than just a smooth face and taut limbs.
Because of this....(would post a lengthy explanation when I get the time!)....belated happy birthday Lei! Sorry! Love you!!!!
We arrived in Ranfurly at 6pm, but it might as well been after midnight as the town was effectively asleep as the winter darkness had fallen fast. Tick off the usual suspects- Four Square, the local pub, the hotel restaurant, a small Indian place- they were all deserted.
We dropped our stuff off at the motel (amazingly well-appointed, the Hawkdun Lodge) and accepted the reality that we would be trying to organise dinner from stuff at the supermarket. The Ranfurly supermarket was also empty save for the lone person/cashier/attendant. She was nice enough to suggest Naseby which was a few kilometers away. The directions seemed straightforward enough but I trusted Google Maps more.
It was total darkness all the way and 12 minutes in, some houses came into view, their lights dull. Was there really something in this place?? We drove silently into the centre of town and the few buildings there- the post office, the museum- were art deco and the road lamps were replicas of gas lamps like you would find in Victorian England. It looked to me, so Jack The Ripperish except that, why would Jack go here? Condemned perhaps to a town in the middle of nowhere where he could do little mischief once he dispatched what few residents the town had?
As it turned out, Naseby has only a population of 100.
We find the pub called The Ancient Briton and actually had a pleasant evening...one more day to go and snow forecast for the morrow...
..and discovered to his eternal dismay, that there were no victims to be found
(this is from its website) Built in 1863, the Ancient Briton was Naseby's first hotel and today it is one of only two remaining hotels in the town. For the weary miners, high-country shepherds and curlers it was a sanctuary offering respite from the cold and today it is still the town's social and cultural hub.
The bar and restaurant has 5 fireplaces and seats up to 80 people, offering some private enclaves for socialising and dining
It’s been hard- this is my 4th beer in as many days
This fireplace is saying: For the weary miners, high-country shepherds and curlers it was a sanctuary offering respite from the cold and today it is still the town's social and cultural hub.
Founded in the 1860s, Naseby still retains its gold-mining heritage. Naseby was established to service the gold-miners who flocked to Central Otago to seek their fortunes and today it is one of the last truly authentic 'Central' towns, unspoiled by the passage of time.
I had blue-cod- a choice I would regret later after realising that it would’ve been frozen for weeks- but it was good enough
Quince and apple compote which was more of a crumble, but it was warm and cold at the same time and it was perfect
Strangely enough, the most interesting things of the day were dead and stuffed.
Bored out of our wits driving for hours on end between stops, we happened to see in Pleasant Point in Canterbury, a brightly-lit room filled with a menagerie of stuffed animals so we stopped.
The O'Rourke Brothers taxidermy has been doing taxidermy for almost 60 years and of a quality that is high enough for their work to be contracted by the likes of the Auckland Museum and the Department of Conservation.
The new owner (who still employs one of the O'Rourke Brothers) Rob Morrison has a direct connection to the business- he is an avid hunter- which is really the first stage in someone wanting an animal (which they have shot) to be stuffed. I guess you either eat it or put aside some serious cash (prices start at $1000 for game heads) to have it stuffed and mounted. Rob took me to the back to see how it's all put together and it's not pretty. But then there is nothing delicate about hunting, or even the processing of meat for food.
The back-end of the shop is literally a sort of butcher-shop; the animals after all, like any shot game, have to be prepared and prepped. For a moment, I thought I would puke at the smell of flesh, sinew and blood, but then I think- it's like when I was 15 again and my dad was teaching me how to de-feather and dress a snipe.
I expected to also smell again, the last part of that process when you singe the skin over a flame to burn off the nubs from where the feathers had been plucked. But there was none of that bitter, acrid fume. Instead, the smell was of cold death- he opens a walk-in freezer the size of a shipping container and brings out a fish waiting its turn to be reincarnated, the sallow flesh, resilient and shiny again like something fresh out of water. The container is filled with wrapped dead animals or parts of them as far back as I can see like some serial-killers grisly cache of unfortunate victims.
The waiting time to get a medium-sized animal done is 10-15 months.
Back in the front of shop, I spy a small fawn in a sitting pose- prices are also determined by how an animal is posed- and it looks unequivocally lifelike, perfect and immortal...I think we should consider ourselves lucky if we had the same fate.
Dear Lei; so basically going around New Zealand for a work project (never mind what it is exactly) which started up north and slowly making our way south. Our routine for the last four days is this; we wake up at 7am and get on the road by 8am or 8:30. We drive (well, the driver does, not me) an average of 200kms between places and it's equally exhausting just sitting down and making conversation (it's inexplicably getting harder trying to communicate with 30-year olds these days). There is nothing much to see in the interior of New Zealand; at some point, the endless stunning landscapes cease to be stunning and just become this blur. Read what you will of what it means to you but really it starts to mean nothing because there is no one there. Suddenly, the idea of someone actually living in the middle of this desolation is an exciting, disruptive prospect (I have fantasized about this so many times). Sorry, but I think I'm convinced that nature is NOTHING without humanity's touch, destructive or otherwise.
I have slept in about four different motels/hotels. My single piece of luggage is open like a disemboweled thingy on the floor and who brings these many creams and shit?? (I do) Not to mention my normal medication and vitamins (there's this new thing with Garlic combined with zinc, vitamin C and horseradish to stop allergic reactions- seems to work because my nose has stopped itching).
In the next few days (we fly out, the rental SUV ditched, on Thursday), I might see snow and I'm looking forward to that. I have this belief that I have this affinity with the cold, with winter.
I am I think, trying hard to convince myself of that. I look in the mirror and see my skin struggling- needs more moisture I think; thank God I have enough creams in the world for that...
xx
Woke up to this today
Before it did, out of those mountains, we were already on the road
But the truth of this landscape is that it’s cold and wet and muddy. And if you slip on the rocks and fall unconscious, you’re dead- it would be weeks before someone would find you
And those little surprises in the middle of nowhere like a French bakery run by a real French baker with (presumably) real French food
New Zealand is littered with these and I don’t know, the stuff is pretty, but I’ve never really bought anything
So I decided to launder some of my clothes in the hotel and discovered that I couldn’t work the controls of the washing machine. I ended up bagging my still wet stuff and drying them under the West Coast sun
I miss cycling, but I need to be able to drive to get to these trails
Rain, rain rain. We should have sacrificed a lamb or something for better weather.
I keep looking for that special one that will make me buy it. This one is nice, but doesn’t fit in anywhere unless I lived in a gorgeous modern log-cabin
In a town where I think the minimum wage sits just at $15, why sell one small slab of meat that costs $19?? I can afford it but I can’t find it in the supermarkets where I currently live!
Love the kitsch and the books at IkoIko
It was my first time to cross the ferry, but horrors of horrors, my phone’s battery was nearly out, no charger at all and the ferry’s listing made it feel as if your legs were made of rubber
Great big hearty mains when all you want is something between that a starter
Some pate and squid will do just fine
and the tour continues through rain and freezing weather
In a small country like New Zealand, it's harder to see the class divisions. The man in the nondescript simple merino top and cords may be seven-figures richer than the man in the slim-cut suit and well-worn Ferragamo shoes. Or vice versa- merino tops and corduroy pants may also mean what it looks which is a modest retirement and a worry about that hip-replacement surgery waiting list. When we passed by opulent small homes in the Bay of Plenty with their long driveways and architecturally landscaped grounds, I couldn't picture what kind of New Zealanders owned them or what jobs (or businesses) they had. What's even more confounding was when we got deeper into the interior where the small towns are, so small, that even the smallest of fast-food chains (a good indicator of population) are non-existent, and I think, how do people in these places make a living?
I mean, list up the usual suspects- farming, livestock, repairs, medical- aside from these, what else could one do?
Every time I pass by a particularly desolate looking place I think, if I lived here, what would I do? And I imagine these scenarios where I conveniently take away the problem of what to do for a living and I think I would:
1. Try my hand at gardening
2. Finish three books a week
3. Start long-distance running again
4. Learn a new craft like sewing
5. run for office or apply for a community position or something
6. keep a pet like a big dog