Popeyes didn’t open and the cake wasn’t what you expected. But these are not really problems.
It’s still a good day.
A full head of hair is over-rated
A good friend is hard to find
Bacon can kill you
Stick to the truth no matter what
The past is pointless if all you do is look back and remember
Moderation is under-rated
Imagination is king
Kindness should be your baseline behaviour
Loving is so EASY
Hating is so HARD
Hating is not worth your time and energy
When it’s time to let go of something, you’ll know
I’ve never had a sweet tooth and still ended up with a whole bunch of sweet treats, some of which I’m offloading to the people at work, and some which I’m having all to myself (the Silvanas).
My sister got me these through one of her (Filipino) friends.
For me at least, I would have forgotten the heartaches, the regrets, the joy..but I would always remember what I had eaten…
Again!
Milk bun, spicy pork and kimchi, beurre blanc
Gochujang charred octopus, garlic chives and shallot namul, cashew
Galbi glazed short rib, celeriac remoulade, horseradish, mushroom, perilla
My normal go-to; salmon eggs-benedict
Amazing cake favours by The Caker
Finish off the weekend with a Sunday high-tea (don’t be fooled by the ‘little’ morsels).
It’s that time of the year! You grow old, you grow poorer especially if you’re like me and love showering yourself with gifts, but that’s another story..
This one is about gifts you’re lucky enough to get from other people. Mary got me a book subscription from Wellington company Good Books; you simply fill up a short questionnaire about what stuff you read, and someone picks out something you’d like. Leila is already doing this for me (!), but this time, I’m committed to reading it because you get a new book every month.
So I’ve starting out with an Aotearoa author, Bryan Walpert.
The novel Entanglement has been shortlisted for the Jann Medlicott Acorn Prize for Fiction 2022, and is about ‘a memory-impaired time traveller attempting to correct a tragic mistake he made in 1977 when, panicked, he abandons his brother on a frozen lake in Baltimore.’
So the thing is, my actual legal birth certificate states that I was born on the 23rd of April when actually, I was born on the 22nd. It was a simple clerical error that my dad- a lawyer!!!- never bothered to change. And neither did I because I sure as hell didn't want to negotiate, er, navigate the processes and legalities necessary to change it.
So when it went onto my first passport, that was it- it’s the 23rd FOREVER. But I obviously try to celebrate on the actual date, so here we are- a two-day celebration.
I got these today from some co-worker friends- thanks Judy and Sarah!
Kinda touching that in spite of me not really trying to ‘make’ friends, I think I do have friends who know the things that I love, eat and use!
There was a time when the one birthday that I really wanted was to be alone in New York; nice hotel, great meals, Broadway, shopping. Now, I can’t even think about travelling without worrying about sickness and death. It feels that we’ve been plunged back into the middle-ages when voyages put you at the mercy of everything from pirates, sea-monsters, scurvy to storms.
In hindsight, perhaps all I ever wanted was to be not remembered- baffling why I’d like something like that- but today, under these circumstances, I seem to mind it less. When the lockdown started, I added work-colleagues to my work-only Facebook account and greetings dutifully came through the whole day; services and products sent their automated greetings and marketing enticements.
I worked, only because continuity for some comms was necessary (and frankly, I was the only one who could do it capably) and I cooked, did chores and by day’s end, I was exhausted. Not the birthday I would have wanted, but a lot of things recently seem out of our control- like last night at the supermarket, I was looking for cream-cheese to make a cheesecake and the space in the refrigerated aisle where it usually was located, was empty. I was thinking maybe I’ll do Sara Lee, got two vegan coconut cakes but returned them when saw an Edmonds cheesecake premixed box; at least it wouldn’t literally come out of the box I thought.
I also got emails that two items I had bought as birthday gifts to myself had been dispatched- wouldn’t be nice to receive fresh new Nikes and a fresh pair of Nudie jeans on my birthday even if it would be stupid to wear them to the supermarket which is the only place I go to these days anyway? But they didn't arrive so that was a bummer.
And then I thought, well, when I wake up tomorrow, it will be a new day, but no different really from yesterday, or today…and that’s that.
That I start drawing and painting without thinking that I need another gadget to do it (upgrading from my ‘old’ iPad pro to the newer one + the floating keyboard).
Start on that novel/short-story collection
Abs! It’s there, I can see it, but I don’t know how to make it show or if I’d want to lose any more weight to get it.
Start driving and getting a license
Be able to visit New York (who knows when it’s actually safe to travel again).
That Trump LOSES in November. I really shouldn’t care, but deep inside I do.
That I learn something new and useful in the next 4 months.
Can’t think of anything more really- leave it up to God to make the rest happen
I should be panicking but it’s not my birthday. And I never panic- not over stuff like aging or climate change anyway. I panic when I can’t decide between last year’s Ultraboost 19 at $100 off or this year’s edition in the cloud white variant. I panic when I can’t have bacon next Saturday because I had bacon two weeks ago. I feel that the world is ending, but I know that it would wobble along for quite a few decades along still and while I don’t give a fuck what happens to me, I have this ache in the pit of my chest, for my sibling’s children and their children at what they’re going to face.
But what can we do?
Well, let’s celebrate for as long as there’s someone to continue the family line, we’ll do everything in our power to ensure that they get far in life, achieve their dreams, find happiness and more importantly, become kind and compassionate people.
Because of this....(would post a lengthy explanation when I get the time!)....belated happy birthday Lei! Sorry! Love you!!!!
Don't you hate it when how you feel doesn't match what is actually incontrovertible fact? Like your actual age. It could be plain denial, or worse, some sort of delusion.
My question is, when will both actually match-up? If ever. Does it happen naturally (didn't happen when I started medicating for blood pressure, cholesterol), or do we make that effort to somehow make peace with things we can't change? But in my defence, I'm not changing anything that I know I can't alter.
I am simply living my best life, which sadly, does not merely involve affirmations of positivity, faith and a leave-it-to-God-kind of mentality. You need to exercise. You need to eat good, nourishing (and consequently expensive) food. You need to protect your skin, to dress comfortably so as not to be judged by an always judging world (and I do care about being judged).
You need to work at life, to develop and take advantage of the gifts and passions and flaws that were given to you.
You need to ALWAYS give your best
“If You Can’t Love Yourself How In The Hell Are You Gonna Love Somebody Else”
And this means sacrifices- you can’t change the way your body works, so might as well give it what it wants. Less fat, more vegetables; more wholesome foods even if God knows, all I want is a bucket of KFC.
Less negativity, and more healthy stuff even it means getting it out of a cleverly packaged bottle. I hope it’s not a scam.
Got three scents today, just because.
And it wouldn’t hurt if it happens to be shod in a good winter boot from Timberland.
I’ve been a believer in vitamin supplements for the better part of two decades. There were times when given the choice between a new pair of Nikes and vitamins, I chose Vitamin B and C. I’ve been waiting for Wondermins to open in New Zealand; it reassures you that what you’re actually buying what you really need.
When your birthday is an endless (Halloween!) party..
Birthdays = Korean buffet! All photos taken by the iPhone x (unretouched).
With the exception of Yanna/Ally, none of my siblings' children resemble them at all. My mom would moan something vaguely racist about dominant bloodlines but I get her point; there is something comforting seeing your likeness passed on to your children. So I've used an image of Yanna/Ally because I couldn't find a photo of her mother that I liked. I find this photo taken when we spent Christmas in Hawaii a few years back particularly interesting because this is how I remember Binky when we were younger. She was always the serious one and it was rare to catch her simply unguarded, unburdened by whatever she was thinking.
I would like to think that we're polar opposites but it doesn't seem to be true; I just hide the seriousness very well. In photos, we have the same expression of hesitation; should I smile? Should it be a half-one, a full-on grin? We get caught in photos always looking unsure of what to project. But maybe that's our problem- do we need to project anything at all? And if we do, should it be what the world expects, or should it be what we truly feel at that moment?
And the search goes on, looking for the 'perfect photo'.
My mother makes it a point to ring us on our birthdays. After the greetings have been dispensed with, it's mostly a catch-up on what's happening at home. Unlike dreaded text messages in the middle of the night, most of the news- admittedly grim ones- concern other people. Because really, there are only two kinds of news anyway right?
Binky hates it tho- what kind of news is that she complained to Doyet who told her about what had happened to Atchi Gina. But she's not the only one who chose to brush that away. When I was home last December mom had urged me to pay Atchi Gina a visit, but I really didn't want to. What does one say to someone who is dying from a mysterious condition that doctors couldn't diagnose?
These are people you've known your entire life, but the connections are now so tenuous, I feel as if the stories are not real. It seems like copping out, but I would choose to remember people as they were in the past- alive, healthy, happy.
And on a happier note, we settled on Chinese for Doyet's birthday.
How you celebrate your birthday shows exactly where your life is at the moment. There was a full decade when it was all about other people; I closed a restaurant once, and a bar just to accommodate everyone I had invited. And these people weren't hangers-on- I was neither rich nor popular- but friends who at that point in my life, were there. And then were gone. I was gone, to a really far country no less. Each time I visit, things change more and more until everything just disappears and I wonder, going through the memories, if the things I remember actually happened.
I had celebrated turning 40 with a quiet dinner at home. I cooked all the dishes I wanted to eat- familiar ones like kare-kare, fried snapper and new favourites like rum and raisin ice-cream for desert- and I was perfectly happy.
This year, it's food again, and family, and new friends and a nagging suspicion that no one's going away just yet.
Happy birthday Jay!
