Fruitcake
Lechon pork-belly ( I hope Doyet makes some for Noche Buena).
Getting to try out the Cordis’ hotel’s new wing
Losing at least 3kgs (haven’t budged from 73kgs).
Get to finish one of the dozen of stories I’m working on
Get to finish one creative work
Re-do the side garden
Get rid of this wisdom tooth in the most painless way possible
Been wanting to make leche-flan in like forever
Massive seafood dinner
Get to finish 5 books before year’s end
Ryan's Christmas Gift Registry
I don’t care about the critics- the current government still has a good grip on a situation that could be ten times worse (and a hundred times worse in other countries). The critics could either drop dead or catch Covid; either way, FUCK YOU and you don’t know squat. Anyhoo, a weird call today- level 3.2 which allows for some businesses to open (like malls!) and others to remain closed like restaurants (boo!) and cinemas (double boo!).
So if you’re an anti-vaxxer, you can go out on Wednesday and catch yourself some Covid- that will teach you.
I’ve done all my shopping and besides, the only times I go to a store is when I’m not sure of the fit or the fabric; I buy the majority of my clothes from the same labels so I know my fit 99% of the time. But yeah, going out there is like playing Covid roulette, and for what? For a pair of goddamned pants lol. Not worth it.
And speaking of shopping, here’s a list of stuff I’d like to by for myself if money is no object; after all dreaming is free…
Saturday
I
Our barely one-year old (cheapish) washing machine broke. I had to hand-wash clothes in the old tub and had the vague feeling that the detergent was not meant for such a process. But I don’t live in a country where washing-machines are as common as TV sets and where I can go into a supermarket to buy special detergent meant for soaking and manual washing. I didn’t dawdle long- you just focus on two areas, the arm-pits and the crotch. Not that there’s anything nasty there. I change my clothes and underwear everyday still and I hardly sweat. The water was freezing and I discovered that while I can lift 30kg dumbbells I hardly had the strength to squeeze water out of the clothes.
My hands looked plump and bloated after, and I remember the hands of our old lavenderas back in Pangasinan, how worn and red they were. And the loads they did good Lord - denim, blankets and towels. And by the time the clothes were dry as they often did quicker in the tropics, it was mid-afternoon and the lavandera would be folding and sorting the clothes. I remember getting breads and sweets and Coke at the store, and we would eat and exchange gossip as we waited for my mother to arrive so they could be paid. I miss those days; no washing machine can surpass human hands.
II
We set up the Christmas tree today. Two years ago, we bought a cheaper one at Kmart, and it was black pine which we thought was chic. But part of me wasn’t convinced because I could see through its paltry 600 plus tips and it really bothered me. So last year I bit the bullet and bought a 3,000 tip, $700 (we got it 50% off so paid only $350) tree and I was finally satisfied. Christmas is one of the last things where you cut corners and compromised, which is kinda stupid because after the 25th has come and gone, it dawns on you that sentiment really has nothing to do with logic and reality. But I realised that this feeling is universal. Aucklanders- or so the media claims- are about to revolt that Christmas this year was going to be cancelled; and mistakenly by the government, and not by a virus that is lurking in all corners of the city. But from what I have seen, there is really nothing special about the way Kiwis celebrate Christmas- the food is crap, the gifts have a $20 cap and everyone gets drunk and pissed by Boxing Day. But habit and sentiment is all part of the tradition, isn’t it? Anyhow, I’m ready and prepared- 99% of all gifts have been bought and sorted, and an emergency menu has been worked out.
A broken washing machine and Covid are not the end of the world; but an ugly Christmas tree can be super annoying.
When you're feeling good, you want to shop
I’ve completed a week’s worth of ‘brisk’ walking, just under 2kms and 12 minutes.
Normally, I would think of a million excuses, but lately, in this pandemic, when it seems that you have all the time in the world, you get a sense that it’s a lie. You do it now, or it’s all lost, simple as that. Sometimes I feel great after and sometimes, it’s the same. But I guess, that’s what you call an investment; the cumulative rewards are in the end. Or so you hope.
But then, what else is there to do? It’s definitely more positive that agonising over Christmas; that you’re aching to watch Dune at the movies; that a restaurant meal would be nice; or go on a bus ride at 4pm; or sauntering into the supermarket. But it’s not your job to be angry at the bigger picture of why you can’t do these things. Leave that to the stupid politicians (FUCK YOU Judith Collins, FUCK YOU David Seymour) because that’s what they’re paid for.
Your job is you, and it’s not an easy one.
But thank God for small victories- studies have shown that exercise no matter how small, makes a difference- and I thought, hmmm, maybe I will reward myself.
But no I didn’t- this is just online window shopping- but who knows? You’re investing in yourself remember and that shouldn’t be a wasted purchase.
It's just Tuesday, but I want it to be Wednesday
I thought it was Wednesday I guess because I had a full Monday. Full-on work-day; did a 2km brisk walk under 10 minutes; did yoga before bed. Over-achieving doesn't equate to some sort of time-travel. You wake up to a new day where you’re expected to do the same thing all over again.
And you ask yourself- will it really make a difference? If I spent the day doing the opposite, what would be the consequences of that? I started doing collagen supplements a couple of weeks back (I think I’ve mentioned this before) and every morning, I try to spot any tell-tale signs of its effects. So far, all I see is the same face- it’s a good face for sure, but that’s not what you want to see.
We all want something dramatically momentous to happen, but the universe doesn't seem to work that way.
Happy Halloween!
I'm hungry
I reward myself with three things- tech, nice clothes and food.
Since I really need to think about retirement, I’ve put a sensible brake on the 1st two and as for the third, it’s kind of tricky, very tricky. In the Philippines, you can eat cheap, and it’s healthier. A bit of rice, heaps of vegetables and fish. I could live on that with pork barbecue and lechon once a month.
But eating healthy in New Zealand is expensive. You can count with your ten fingers, how many vegetables there are at any given time and even less in winter when your best bet is frozen. Seafood is not a staple and more of a luxury unless you were willing to rent a boat or go on a charter to catch your ow which is ridiculous. I love salmon but it’s not something you can eat every day and I’ve seen the price go up and up and up since 2008.
I avoid processed carbs, sugars and some fats (!), so essentially, my diet has come to consist of nothing but espresso in the morning; there was a couple of weeks at the start of this year’s lockdown when I had an oat-meal run, but I got sick of that; I would have the occasional bread, but would pick those fancy sprouted variants; for lunch, the previous night’s left-overs if there’s any would do; more coffee during the day and then dinner which is normally a protein and some carbs like rice or vegetables. I think I average less than 2,000 calories a day.
It’s a bit more than that during the weekend where I do have a proper lunch (sushi or a meal called Katsubi which is like sumo wrestler food but with more meats and veggies and less or no carbs; and then for dinner we rotate around chicken (baked chicken wings or air-fried), pork (belly) or beef roasts. And snacks! I love what they call crisps (potato chips) which I’ve started to lessen and ice-cream- I’m not completely lactose-intolerant and can finish off a whole container.
And because I don’t get enough vegetables, I’ve taken to taking fibre supplements along with four other supplements which I’ve been taking for the better part of 15-20 years.
But I’m hungry..I’m a hungry man…
Keep using it until it's manky. Don't.
Nothing makes you feel older than losing your teeth.
You can regenerate your skin (to a certain extent), you can start building even better muscles at way past your 40s, you can be slim forever (well, I am), but if your teeth are fucked, that’s it. Having fake teeth put in don’t count. I realised this yesterday when the dentist told me I needed to get an impacted wisdom tooth removed. I’ve been putting off going to the dentist for the longest time because I just couldn’t get over the cost of care in this country- and yet, here I am mulling whether to get a new pair of Yeezy’s.
So take heed, stop drinking coke with real sugar, quit smoking and book a dental clean ASAP. You can’t keep using your teeth until they’re manky like my bakeware which I threw out today (all of them save for a few, still good, far from manky spring-form pans) when a whole new set arrived today, bought from the Labour Weekend sale at Briscoes.
Went to the dentist today: fun times and $$$
Notes on a long weekend
Didn't feel compelled to wake up early today as I’ve done most of the bigger chores the day before.
The weather forecast is overcast and some rain; staying-in-bed-weather
When I was younger, I spent the most part of the weekend in bed reading.
I should seriously read something more than the news (even if it’s the New York Times). Reality I’m beginning to think, is deadening to the soul.
I don’t feel the same way for movies though.
I’ve started on organising gifts; the budget seems to be growing bigger every year
How do you scale down on gifts though without looking like you’re watching your budget
But it’s my fault, to not have stuck to a budget and now you’re stuck there though I’m sure they won’t mind.
Saw someone in their car today smoking a real cigarette! Now that’s a sight you rarely see.
Fuck Microsoft Team meetings
How I feel today
Monday: 62nd (?) day in Covid-19 lockdown
I hope it doesn't sound genuine, but I have to say- and this is important that I say this- that I’m fortunate. So I feel less guilty (not that I’m doing anything wrong to be guilty about) that I’m spending it taking care of myself no matter how selfish and self-centred that sounds. What use would I be too anyone if I was sick (all it takes is a KFC meal two days in a row) and depressed? I could be sick but depressed, I don’t think so. I think I’m wired for enthusiasm and good cheer 24/7.
I’m not suddenly like The Rock lol- I don’t even want to be that huge, gross (no offence to The Rock). But my body has stabilised. I don’t get the aches and pains on the 2nd day after a work-out, which sort of sabotaged whatever gains I’ve made because it would make me stop, then resume a couple of days later.
Because of the extended lockdown, I was able to weather the pain and lethargy of those days and plowed on, increasing the intensity of my work-outs and the frequency to the point where I do two rest days in seven days- not going to be stupid and not rest.
I’ve bought some weights, but knowing how quickly the body gets bored by the same work-outs, I’ve thrown in a huge variety of work-outs- decreasing push-ups; yoga and dumbbell circuits. I’m still very much house-bound by choice, and really haven’t done much cardio outdoors. Haven’t really been doing targeted ab-work, but…it’s definitely been 201% better than the last time. The whole point is NOT being comfortable- comfort is complacency .
My goal is that when it’s finally safe to go out there, I can transition easily to going to a gym and getting professional advice- yeah, I can afford personal trainers now! (you pay a little bit to eliminate the guesswork that comes from figuring out things by yourself).
#SuperSaturday #vaxathon
I hate anti-vaxxers.
It takes every ounce of my willpower to not tweet something like all of you should just 💀💀💀.
Everyone pitched in today for the effort to ramp up vaccinations even if the effort amounted to that of bribing a child with sweets to take their medicines. Growing up, my mother didn’t waste her time on such niceties. If we didn’t take our medicines or followed what the doctor said, we would die or be in terrible agony she would tell us matter-of-factly. It was our choice.
So to hear grown-ass people refusing something that has made the human race survive the Spanish flu smallpox and polio because they read something on Facebook makes my blood boil. If I was the leader of a country, I would do what my mother did. Fuck your freedoms you anti-vaxxer.
PS: but to quote Zeynep Tufekci from the New York tmes:
Anger — and even rage — at all this may be justified, but deploying only anger will not just obscure the steps we can and should try to take, it will play into the hands of those who’d like to reduce all this to a shouting match.
Instead, we need to develop a realistic, informed and deeply pragmatic approach to our shortcomings without ceding ground to the conspiracists, grifters and demagogues, and without overlooking the historic inequities in health care and weaknesses in our public health infrastructure. It’s not all fair, and it is not a Hollywood ending, but it’s how we can move forward.
middle of the week
the struggle is real
Lily the cat has been changing where she sleeps and I get woken up in the middle of the night as she comes and goes; her paws on my chest feel like gentle concentrated pokes.
The cookies haven’t shipped and I have this sinking feeling that when they do arrive, opening them would be a surprise. But small businesses are struggling and at the end of the day, it’s just unhealthy sugar I shouldn’t be having. Not be going to be that person mouthing off on social-media over something as petty as cookies.
And talking about mouthing-off on social media, when I see people who praise the Marcoses as if they’re the second coming of Christ, I’m like DEAR LORD, steer me away from evil. I’m back on Twitter and wanting to be clean this time (follow me? @rufino_amor)
There’s no food in the house. I was thinking of ordering some fish and chips across the road, but ended up opening a can of spaghetti. Yup, spaghetti in a can.
Still waiting on a new pair of shoes. Yup, a new pair again.
Tuesday feels like Thursday
What to get for Christmas?
I need to see a dermatologist like ASAP
I need to see a dentist first lol
Monday
Today was okay; sometimes, getting through the day quietly and efficiently is all you need
Air Zoom Tempo NEXT% x Off-White™
Slow crawl today
I’m only on 37.5 hours a week so on Fridays, I finish up at 2pm. This arrangement was a throwback from when I first started and nearly everyone else has converted to 40 hours. I’ve thought about it too many times to count, but haven’t made the plunge (once you go 40, you can’t revert back). I thought about the money- the additional 2.5 hours is what wage-wise? Pre-tax $5K? Didn't convince me. For one thing, on some Fridays, I work beyond 2pm- my choice, so money is not a factor.
And this is the thing about work- on some days, it feels like work. Like today. It feels like a slow crawl to 2pm and I know for sure that when it hits 2, I’m clocking off. Unless my boss rings for something. These are the days- who knew I’d be one to crave for sunshine but I do now. Today is over-cast with a hint of rain, hardly inspiring. But I did the laundry anyway during morning tea break because I had to do stuff.
So I’m actually glad, I’m off at 2. Happy weekend everyone!
End of the week
Got my 2nd dose of the Pfizer vaccine today dressed in a pink hoodie, sweat shorts and Nikes with red socks. After the shot, I was asked to wait out my 20 minutes in a holding area with three other people- seniors- who warmly welcomed me as if I was suddenly part of an exciting new order- the vaccinated.
In about 10 minutes, our bond was even made stronger by the fact that we all shared the same sentiment- that people who refuse to be vaccinated, or are skeptical of it, or worse, actively worked and campaigned against it, were scum of the earth.
And of course I went there because I couldn’t help myself; well, the day will come when we come face to face with a Covid mutation that’s far more lethal than any current variant, let’s see how they’ll deal with that’
Everyone went quiet. I waited for a bit thinking they were all formulating their response to that, but nope. Silence.
Okay!
Where you at?
The ties that bind
My fraternity brothers from college have set-up this Viber chat group and after all these years, we’re all still what we’ve always been. J the joker; M the rich guy; S still-doesn’t-like-me; B is still tense; B2 still the nice guy. There’s a couple I miss- L, who is MIA; M who is still as dodgy as ever. And then those who have passed on- D and A. Plans are being made for 2022 and I’m thinking, I’d like to get there. I don’t think it’s too optimistic to believe that I can drag my ass to the Philippines in a year’s time. As we normally say in the fraternity- ‘S__ R___ Fight!’
Sept 11
I believe Anna gave birth after Sept 11 not sure really, But I remember watching the events on the news unfold knowing that Chris was on his way to the airport. Happy 20th birthday to my goddaughter Angela.
Not hard enough
I’m inherently lazy and I think it’s genetic. I see my brother and remember my uncles and how they lounged about with their lanky bodies, smoking and being chill. It’s not really laziness, but more of an aversion to too much effort, which is what you need to get abs. I know that I’m vain, but I know it goes way beyond vanity when I refuse to slouch (even if no one is looking); or to not eat anything until noon so that my stomach feels flat and firm; or to dress impeccably even when just buying something at the dairy just across from my house. It’s because I’m still alive and kicking goddamn it and when I am, I will try to be my best 24/7. But then I feel I don’t try hard enough- or harder. And these days I am, trying even harder even if I must admit, I’m inherently lazy.
Stuff
I want the new Go Pro 10; still hemming and hawing about getting the new iPad Pro with the M1 chip; NOT buying a new iPhone this year; I want a new drone; I want a medium-format camera.
Fuck off to (and I’m avoiding having my new Twitter account suspended)
Still the Republicans; the state of Texas; all the American states that are Republican; anti-vaxxers; Nicki Minaj; anti-maskers; athletes who want to eat their cake and have it too; a generation who want to eat their cake and have it too and have the audacity to cancel people who call them out; David Seymour and Judith Collins; Bongbong Marcos and his entire fucking family; historically challenged Filipinos who support Bongbong Marcos; and the entire corrupt, ratchet Duterte government.
When it's actually a blessing being bored
It was a Tuesday when it was announced that there was a community case of Covid, and that Patient 0.2 had been to a million places. I was at home early, in bed and on instinct, went to a supermarket website to get online delivery. A million other people had the same idea, but had gone to a physical store instead. This was Sam and me last year thinking we were clever in leaving the house for the nearest supermarket 15 minutes before the prime minister could announce lockdown, but we didn't get squat. A thousand other cunts had gone there first and the staff decided to close.
I could feel the website crashing at some point but I held on and an hour and a half later, successfully got my order. I spent the next couple of days/weeks working, with the supermarket website open and refreshed every 30 minutes to catch one of the precious few slots for delivery, and so far have been 100% successful- this was a good thing because the supermarkets became a hot-bed of Covid exposure sites.
Doing and waiting for the grocery deliveries is pretty much the only exciting thing during lockdown which is still ongoing.
