Today

  1. Fine. Hold onto kindness as strongly as you can because sometimes (grudgingly), it’s the right thing to do.

  2. What does blue cheese smell like? I said, like an unwashed, uncircumcised penis which my friends took offense to, because 1) they’re not cut and 2) I didn’t know shit because I was.

  3. I said to someone today; work is actually easy. Life outside of work is harder.

  4. Have yet to do something creative on my desk space. Sigh.

  5. This is why I hate balconies, cliffs, and even small decks.

  6. I was asked, if I had the chance to live in real life, any three recent shows, what would they be? I replied: be the conflicted daddy in Euphoria; an aristocratic, Eton-educated, psychopath banker in Industry and a butler in Downton Abbey.

  7. Word of the week: CHOICES

  8. I fucking actually hate E.

Sunday aspirationals

So we had a sudden craving for chilli con carne for Sunday dinner and Farro Foods had a pre-made one that we had tried before and it was really good. So off we went to the branch in Mt. Wellington with the awful parking to pick one up and a couple of small things.

Entering the store triggered in me that irrationally exhilarating feeling I had when I had my first credit card with a limit in the mid-five digits- I just wanted to buy everything in sight that caught my fancy.

It’s the supermarket of my dreams; heirloom tomatoes that looked like they were made by a 3D printer gone haywire, new season asparagus as thick as sausages, niche vegetables like celeriac and witloof, at least seven kinds of micro-greens, store-made focaccia bigger than dinner plates, specialist cheeses, inidividual organic acai and fruit breakfast bowls and seasoning and oils from Europe and South America.

It was everything I didn’t really need but wanted to get.

We got the chilli and some good nacho chips to go with it, but when our basket started to fill up with, ‘oh look at this small treat’ stuff like pickle dip, bags of broccolini, Israeli couscous, and Appleby’s Strawberry and Cream ice-cream, we had to forcibly march ourselves to the check-out counter.

Someday…

Change it up

I figured that in life, there’s a lot we can’t obviously change - our DNA, height, penis size etc- but the things we can do change, actually far outnumber the things we can’t.

So change it up!

There’s something satisfying about having the means and the willpower to effect changes no matter how small or shallow. Some didn’t work (doing a uniform for work in a bid to put a cap on expensive clothes-buying); some are a work in progress (cleaning the kitchen every night before going to bed); and some have been a spectacular success (reminding myself that at the end of the day, only my own choices and actions impact me directly- something that is happening a thousand miles away does not).

I’ve been working from home for years before the pandemic happened and was something I negotiated for at work. But I only set up an actual work space upstairs in our house when the lockdowns happened and while I love it, I always felt that the trestle table was too small. And the surface was black- I would see dust on it every day which annoyed me no end.

The universe was probably reading my mind because one day while going through our cat’s social-media feeds, I got thrown a random post from a local Ikea reseller and the desk was nearly perfect. I would have wished it to be a tad longer on both ends, but after two weeks of using it, the length was just right. It also came with drawers to organise an ever-growing collection of electronics.

A long ass week

Soldier on

The other week, I was acting like a crazy person and complaining about ‘chaos’, ‘entropy’ and ‘flux’. But it wasn’t anything intellectual.

I was simply tired of the fact that I was doing chores constantly; that there was no end to it; that no matter how organised you are or that you’re a couple of steps ahead, things always catch up with you and you’re buried again in disorder. And you’re tired, you’d rather do something else instead. Can you ignore it for a while? How long though? Is this even a good approach?

But within 48 hours, I was over it. Life moved on whether you liked it or not.

I got a good night’s sleep, cleared my head, bought new outfits for a work-related show and put on a niacinamide face mask (my complexion was starting to look muddy).

I had work to do, bills to pay, belly fats to battle, house renovations to complete.

I can’t afford to not be my best.

Weekend desserts

I’ve made this once before and I wasn’t exactly thrilled. I thought it was dull and stodgy.

But the 2nd time’s the charm and I think it’s the recipe (a different one) and it’s also because I’ve used a stand-mixer for this one- you do a lot of mixing which a hand-whisk wouldn't be able to do as well.

The recipe called for a lot of creamy things and this is what you get in the end, a truly rich, ultra-creamy cake that straddles the fine line between a too-sweet and a too cheesy (savoury) concoction.

And to pair it with something that has alcohol makes it a little bit more adult, more refined.

The weekend away

1. The sunset had its own show, its own crowd. We positioned ourselves right on the concrete breaker, hoisting one leg over the edge, but not really brave enough to have both on the other side. We sat facing each other and didn’t feel the least guilty that people who wanted to take photos couldn’t really invade our space to get a prime shot. Well, it’s first come, first served plus at the end of it we would have spent over $50 on Uber just getting in and out. For 15 minutes. Of a damn sunset.

When the tiny golden disk slipped into the ocean, everyone clapped as if it were miraculous.

Maybe it was.

2. We had Sal’s pizza and it was a beautiful day so we thought to eat it at the park. But alas, there was no shade and the noon sun was abominable, so we sat on the raised curb of the park pathways and watched the pigeons flying above Parliament Square. There was a pro-Palestinian rally on Bourke Street where our hotel was, and they were still there when we got back, all these people with their faces covered with a keffiyeh. We decided to check out the rooftop pool and fell asleep to the chants of ‘from the river to the sea. . . Palestine will be Free’.

3. The city of surcharges. NOT going to compute how much we paid in surcharges, but on some nights, we spent over $100 on cocktails. They were delicious though.

4. Found an oyster bar where you had to pick from a variety of oysters. I thought five was light, but it was strangely filling.

Post-weekend

  • Spending the next weekend in Melbourne just gallivanting and our to-do list is basically populated with eating places; anything-mochi, Pinoy-fusion (very expensive though), mutant croissants preferably haemorrhaging pistachio cream, what else? Also meeting up with a college friend to try some oysters. We’ve made a vow to eat simply in the next four days.

  • I should stop baking on impulse. Baking should be thoughtful and intentional, calming and serene. The social media accounts that I look at from time to time are all shot at 120fps with a colour grading that implies endlessly languid summer days spent creating moist, airy confections in large, artisanal kitchens bathed in sunlight. The marble countertop gleams and the KitchenAid mixer whirs silently. Well, our kitchen is shit, so when I bake, I always tend to try to get it done as quickly as I can. I had a brownie pre-mix in the pantry and thought that finally doing a cheesecake brownie would be easier with half the recipe coming out of a box. And it was, but the results were mixed; the flavour could be better. The cheesecake was kind of bland like it needed a bit more sugar (I used half of what the recipe called for), or some topping.

  • It was so windy on Sunday that when I left the backdoor open, the wind just slammed it shut and while this has happened heaps of times with no incident, this time, the bottom panel shattered. I was immediately gripped with a specific kind of anxiety, unique to living in New Zealand; the inability to do home repairs myself, and the cost of hiring someone to do it. But then I remembered- we have home insurance, hooray! When we had it sorted through insurance within four hours on a Sunday, I thought that it was better than Christmas morning.

  • Baby-back St. Louis pork ribs for dinner because why not? I just put on a good rub on mine because I hate the sugary, one-note bbq sludge that restaurants put on their ribs.

Almusal (breakfast)

I’m putting the sad, sludgy and gray overnight oats on the side for a while for something a bit more substantial.

I wish I had jumbo Pinoy hotdogs instead, but these are (pork) Kabbanos sausages made locally, and they would have to do. They take a while to cook through so take your time to grill them over low heat until all the little cuts you’ve made on them all bloom out like petals.

Our current spice obsession is ras el hanout which has found its way into our air-fryer chips and now, fried garlic rice. Sunny-side-up eggs are covered with our other favourite seasoning, More Than Just a Bagel Seasoning.

At the UP, this was my favourite go-to meal at Rodics who I think, invented the entire SiLog portmanteau. I didn’t care much for their signature TapSiLog because I felt that the salty, tangy beef bits demanded more rice, and the single-cup serving was never always enough. And it was never a thing back in the day to order an extra serving.

But the hotdog and rice combo was just right, and even if I can have extra rice, I won’t.