Day 33: The day you stop counting the days

When I was a teenager, I used to count the days before summer school break. I would make a list of things that were not things to do, but things to accomplish. I don’t remember now what those were, but I do remember what i didn't accomplish; learn French was on my list for two consecutive summers. I even stole a book on beginner’s French from our high-school library.

Today, I’m still counting and I’ve asked myself what’s the objective? Is there an end-game to this? Is it back to the normalcy we once knew? I said it back in February before we even had an inkling of how severe things were going to be “Just stay at home really and probably not spend too much money. Maybe we need this. Maybe this is the (soft) reset humanity needs to see exactly what its priorities are. And I believe these are mine, or at least something better to do than twiddling your thumbs..”

And I did save money
I exercised a bit
Wasn’t able to draw anything
I cooked a lot
Didn't get to learn how to drive
Didn't get to watch Godfather or a whole lot of shows either

I need to add more stuff to the list. I should also stop counting the days.

Day 32

The funny thing is that work-days spent at home are more satisfying than weekends when there’s really nothing to do. There’s no point waiting for the weekends to do laundry or to do chores which you can slot them in during the week. And I really hate sleeping in as it gives me a headache but it’s a struggle trying to wake up at 7:30am. I’ve been having intense dreams like everybody else and it gets harder to wake up when they go on and on.

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I’m a movie-fan really I am. Show me one still image and I can tell you right away what movie its from. But today, I virtually watched Rogue One all over again (without skipping the parts as I usually do with movies I’ve already seen) because for the life me, I couldn’t even remember it. But I’m sure I’ve watched it before. Anyhow, it’s sad isn’t it?. Really sad. Sadder than Star Wars The Rise of Skywalker which I watched last night, rented on Apple TV. I enjoyed it in spite of the much publicised negative reviews. But the thing is, I’m invested in how a movie entertains me on whatever level, and not on why it’s made or who made it. I won’t ever be that geek who does reaction videos on Star Wars teasers and weeps uncontrollably.

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So I get Martin Scorsese’s diss of Marvel movies because I would be too if I was a film-maker of his milieu. But I’m just a popular-culture consumer who can appreciate the high-brow and the low- like Marvel movies. After watching Rogue One I just had to fast-forward through Star Wars A New Hope just because I wanted to see the Death Star destroyed. In that sequence where Luke Skywalker flies through a corridor on the Death Star being pursued by his dad Darth Vader, I thought I saw something weird. So I paused it and took a photo and lo and behold it was this: Darth Vader’s eyes. For a moment I thought that it didn’t look like James Earl Jones then remembered that he only did the voice. The actor who played Darth Vader was English bodybuilder and character actor David Prowse.

Day 31: Anzac Day

It’s one of those holidays I politely celebrate by sleeping in or watching the festivities on the news. It’s by accident and choice that you live in New Zealand, but its history will never really be a part of you. Mary & Sam had grandfathers who fought in the 1st and 2nd world wars and they have the medals & memorabilia stored somewhere. My Tatay lived through the second-world war and my dad was born in 1942 in Japanese occupied Manila and all I have are stories that I don’t actually remember anymore.

But we all forgot that the stand-in-your-driveway commemoration that was asked of all New Zealanders early this morning and not that tMary & Sam would wake up for it anyway.

I would’ve if the two white people in the house led the way but we all got up at 10am which is the usual for a Saturday.

I decided to make Anzac biscuits though which is strange because I’ve never liked their inherent hardness. They’re similar to gingersnap cookies with that tough outer surface that gives way to a crumbly inside. I got the recipe from an email by Farro Foods which called for:

1 cup rolled oats
¾ cup desiccated coconut
1 cup flour (or use 1 cup almond meal and ½ cup gluten free cornflour)
¾ cup brown sugar
125g butter
2 Tbsp golden syrup
½ tsp baking soda
2 Tbsp boiling water
¾ cup cranberries, chopped dried apricots (soaked in hot water for 5 mins and drained) or chocolate chunks

I didn't have desiccated coconut, golden syrup and cranberries/apricots so I substituted them with crushed pecans, maple syrup and sultanas respectively in the same quantities. The rolled oats I used also had raspberry bits and coconut in it. You can find the full recipe here.

I ended up with nine balls of dough which I later realised was a mistake- the recipe called for balls the size of walnuts and in my mind walnuts were nearly the size of golf-balls 😂. With the cooking time estimated at 15-18 minutes, I thought that the large cookies would burn at the edges before the centres cooked.

But they didn’t- they were a bit crumbly though even after they’ve cooled, and were not at all, like the commercial store-bought Anzac cookies. And I think that 125 grams of butter was a lot and contributed to the cookie being a tad too moist/oily.

Day 30

So I pretty much gave up having a leave day because it is what it is. It would’ve been easier if you could go away- not that I leave my gadgets at home which I don’t- but it would’ve been easier to step away from the screen to do something else.

I did finish painting the cupboard doors in the garage which was on our bigger things-to-do; did laundry, planned dinner, and still finished heaps of work. But I never have issues with work or chores- it’s when I saw an online ad for Gordon & Harris (an art-supplies shop) that there was that faint spark of wanting to do something creative. But $29 for a 59ml tube of (Golden brand) acrylic paint? Uhm, okay.

I would think that it’s kinda pricey so says the person who buys $250 jeans. But maybe it’s like the kind of advice offered to you when you’re struggling to clean out your closet: throw out the stuff you’ve never worn because chances are, you’ll never wear them again.

So the essential question is, should I give up on art? If you’ve never really found the time for it, then maybe it’s not for you.

But cooking is, for sure. We just had home-made carrot and potato soup tonight and grilled chicken-nibbles, nothing worth photographing really, but I made pansit sotanghon yesterday and this is what it looks like. Funny thing is, Pacific Islanders call it ‘chopsuey’ and it’s just vermicelli cooked in stock (or water) and seasoned with dark soy-sauce. My dad would turn in his grave if he was served this- the gold standard of how he made the sotanghon of our dreams is one that has chicken and chicken liver, fatty pork, prawns and black fungus mushroom and NO fucking celery. Yup- i hate the taste of celery in pansit (we’ve swapped out the celery with coriander which is actually more off-putting for most people).

I can’t remember if Pacific Island vermicelli/chopsuey has ginger- didn't put any in this one- but it’s harder to get that fuller flavour (I used chicken cubes as well) that you’d only get with chicken meat and pork-fat.

But once the starch breaks down (I often make the mistake of undercooking it) and the noodles absorb the fat (I used rice-bran oil) and the soy which has caramelised a bit, it doesn’t taste too bad.

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Day 29: It pays to have 'two' birthdays

So the thing is, my actual legal birth certificate states that I was born on the 23rd of April when actually, I was born on the 22nd. It was a simple clerical error that my dad- a lawyer!!!- never bothered to change. And neither did I because I sure as hell didn't want to negotiate, er, navigate the processes and legalities necessary to change it.

So when it went onto my first passport, that was it- it’s the 23rd FOREVER. But I obviously try to celebrate on the actual date, so here we are- a two-day celebration.

I got these today from some co-worker friends- thanks Judy and Sarah!

Kinda touching that in spite of me not really trying to ‘make’ friends, I think I do have friends who know the things that I love, eat and use!

Kinda touching that in spite of me not really trying to ‘make’ friends, I think I do have friends who know the things that I love, eat and use!

Day 28

There was a time when the one birthday that I really wanted was to be alone in New York; nice hotel, great meals, Broadway, shopping. Now, I can’t even think about travelling without worrying about sickness and death. It feels that we’ve been plunged back into the middle-ages when voyages put you at the mercy of everything from pirates, sea-monsters, scurvy to storms.

In hindsight, perhaps all I ever wanted was to be not remembered- baffling why I’d like something like that- but today, under these circumstances, I seem to mind it less. When the lockdown started, I added work-colleagues to my work-only Facebook account and greetings dutifully came through the whole day; services and products sent their automated greetings and marketing enticements.

I worked, only because continuity for some comms was necessary (and frankly, I was the only one who could do it capably) and I cooked, did chores and by day’s end, I was exhausted. Not the birthday I would have wanted, but a lot of things recently seem out of our control- like last night at the supermarket, I was looking for cream-cheese to make a cheesecake and the space in the refrigerated aisle where it usually was located, was empty. I was thinking maybe I’ll do Sara Lee, got two vegan coconut cakes but returned them when saw an Edmonds cheesecake premixed box; at least it wouldn’t literally come out of the box I thought.

I also got emails that two items I had bought as birthday gifts to myself had been dispatched- wouldn’t be nice to receive fresh new Nikes and a fresh pair of Nudie jeans on my birthday even if it would be stupid to wear them to the supermarket which is the only place I go to these days anyway? But they didn't arrive so that was a bummer.

And then I thought, well, when I wake up tomorrow, it will be a new day, but no different really from yesterday, or today…and that’s that.

Some wishes for today (more like a to-do list actually)

  1. That I start drawing and painting without thinking that I need another gadget to do it (upgrading from my ‘old’ iPad pro to the newer one + the floating keyboard).

  2. Start on that novel/short-story collection

  3. Abs! It’s there, I can see it, but I don’t know how to make it show or if I’d want to lose any more weight to get it.

  4. Start driving and getting a license

  5. Be able to visit New York (who knows when it’s actually safe to travel again).

  6. That Trump LOSES in November. I really shouldn’t care, but deep inside I do.

  7. That I learn something new and useful in the next 4 months.

  8. Can’t think of anything more really- leave it up to God to make the rest happen

Day 27: Before you complain about courier fees for fancy cakes, read this

I was fired because of the Coronavirus

MIAMI — For the past year, I have cared for a 95-year-old woman. I went to her family’s home, watched TV with her, talked to her and gave her medication. We shared stories. I made her food: bread with butter or peanut butter. Noodle soup was her favorite. We made each other laugh.

On March 16, when I arrived at work, the woman’s daughter opened the door and pulled me aside to talk.

“I don’t want anybody to bring the virus into my house,” she said. “Friday will be your last day of work.”

She told me that she needed to have control over her home, her children and her mother.

“I don’t want any strangers coming in,” she said. That included me.

“What do you want me to do?” I asked.

“When everything is under control, I’ll call you,” she said. I haven’t heard from her since.

I considered myself to be part of her family. It hurt. My boss viewed me as an outsider — as a risk to her own health.

I live with my son, Emanuel, who is 6. Right now, we are just trying to survive. In my job, I made $80 per day. My hours were flexible. Sometimes I worked three days a week, sometimes four or five. When the family called me, I would go.

I never made enough to have savings. And I don’t know how I will find another job now. Very few businesses in Miami are hiring. Restaurants are open only for takeout and have laid off many of their workers. A friend told me that working for Amazon might be a possibility. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that working in a big warehouse with lots of other people could be a bad idea during a pandemic. I don’t have any health insurance and I can’t afford to get sick. Who would care for my son, especially now that his school has shut down? It just seemed too risky.

Rent for my apartment is $870 a month. It was due on April 1, but I wasn’t able to pay. I’ve never missed a payment before, and fortunately, my landlord has been understanding. She said that she would give me free time and I can pay her back when I find a job.

My family’s health is more important than anything right now. I am trying to stay positive, but I don’t know how much longer I will be able to live like this.

Last week I ran out of food. A friend who distributes food for domestic workers at the Miami Workers Center told me to come by. Now my son and I are eating canned soup, some small bags of rice, chicken and cans of tuna. They gave me milk, water and spaghetti. This food will last us for a week. It is just enough to get by.

The National Domestic Workers Alliance is raising money to support domestic workers who have lost their jobs because of the coronavirus. Many of us do not qualify for the federal stimulus that is sending out checks to workers because we are not United States citizens. The alliance’s goal is to raise $4 million for 10,000 care workers, which will amount to $400 per person. Hopefully this money will arrive within a week. While this is a help, it won’t last long. First I’ll buy food, then use whatever is left over to pay part of my rent to my landlord.

The virus highlights how much domestic workers need protections, just like everyone else. Many nannies, house cleaners and other domestic workers are not entitled to severance pay, paid sick leave, health and unemployment insurance or other benefits that would help us survive this pandemic.

Every day I wake up and worry about what will happen the next day, the next week. I don’t know how I will make it through. For now, I am living day to day.

But I keep faith. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe the coronavirus will teach us that we need to change the system that views domestic workers like me as disposable. We still have time to change.

We need everyone to treat domestic workers like human beings. We deserve respect and a seat at the table. Our work has value. Without us, you cannot do your jobs. Just as we need you to survive, you need us.

(Published in its entirety from the New York Times; By Melissa L. St. Hilaire- Ms. St. Hilaire is a home care aide. She told her story to Devi Lockwood, a fellow in the Times Opinion section).

Day 26: The virus won't kill businesses; a lack of solid business sense will

PS: the woman who owns the pastry shop emailed back (I emailed them to say I was disappointed) to ask why (I have a feeling she probably doesn’t know how much the courier was asking) and she was really nice!! She didn’t really have to email, but just wanted to express her frustration about obviously, why these things are happening.

And we should get it really, shouldn’t we? There’s so much being asked from all of us, that to be aggravated over something as trivial as cake is really not worth it in the scheme of things.


I scammed, well not really. Thought I had it good buying not one but two birthday cakes for Wednesday and it turns out that it was too good to be true. Ordered them, got an update they were in production and then someone rings me clarifying if I knew that the courier cost wasn’t quite correct. How much is it, I ask the person on the phone who sounded Filipino. When he told me the cost, I couldn't help myself.

“A hundred and twenty fucking dollars for a $67 cake??” I replied trying not to scream. “I’m cancelling it ’ I said without even waiting for his reply and hung up.

I just hate the pretentiousness of CBD establishments and their stupid nonsensical zoning delivery areas- uhm, sorry but your address is out of our zone. Bitch, you’re only 20 kilometres away, but you know what, if this is how you do business at a time when you NEED business, good luck.

I would have paid a $100 for the cake, but not the other way around.

It’s a shame, but I did hear rave reviews for this French pastry shop.

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Day 25: The true essentials

It’s day 25- this is what worked and what didn’t.

Day 24: Saturday

..and because food is never far away from my mind, I did some baking today. Nothing really complicated or expensive- I didn't even have to buy anything special because I have all the ingredients in the pantry.

It’s a simple lemon cake with a sugary-lemony drizzle; the recipe is from the NY Times of course which you can find here.

Day 23: Friday

I started writing something in the morning but work got in the way, so here we are, with photos again. I suddenly remembered that I have Google Photos; I think these were from Instagram and as you can see, food is never far away from my mind.

Day 22: Work, work, work

Don’t want to talk about it really, work I mean.

Today the government announced going down an alert level next week, but nothing much will change really. I think this is more of an easing for businesses who keep complaining about draining profits. Malls and restaurants will still be closed, but there will be more deliveries- McDonalds, KFC anyone? But food deliveries are expensive so aside from that one KFC meal, I’d stick to going to the supermarket which I enjoy, and cooking my own meals.

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Day 19: You're allowed one 'unproductive' day

Well, not really when I’ve managed to get a head-start for tomorrow’s work schedule; read all the documents; tested the new builds in the back-end; fixed up my documentation notes. When I was younger I didn't have much of a strong study ethic because I didn't see any value in it for me, but now I do. Nothing is worse than coming up to a Monday unprepared mentally and physically.

And there’s no excuse because as an adult with adult resources at your disposal, you can be prepared- your clothes (I always wear nicer things on Monday); your face (I wind down early on Sunday so I could rest earlier than usual); your lunch (I make my best lunches on Mondays); your tasks- I check all my emails and my scheduled meetings and make a mental map of how I’m going to tackle the day ahead.

And today was no different- but other than that, I didn’t do anything else. Finally finished the Netflix show The Final Table where the eventual winner was someone who didn’t have much of a personality and because everyone worked in teams before the finals, was also someone who didn’t seem to put in the work as much as the other guy who also made it to the finals (that’s what we see anyway on screen).

And there’s a lesson there actually that I should remember - don’t be too prepared; don’t be that bitch who always makes it a point to be too extra. Life is too short- and uncalculated- for you to be always calculating when you can actually relax once in a while. Loaf around. Do nothing for a change. Just this once.

The unassuming Tim Hollingsworth won Netflix’ The Final Table, with a dish he’s cooked before, that trumped the inventiveness and audacity of his competitors. At the end of the day, even chefs who call themselves progressive stick to old habits and …

The unassuming Tim Hollingsworth won Netflix’ The Final Table, with a dish he’s cooked before, that trumped the inventiveness and audacity of his competitors. At the end of the day, even chefs who call themselves progressive stick to old habits and inevitably pick a dish that is neither inventive nor bold, but settled and perfect.

Day 18: Easter

This is not the Easter I know.

My mom spent an Easter with us once in New Zealand and we were looking for fish or seafood and we found squid at Pan N Save that still had ink- they forgot to clean it- and we had to beg and explain to the person at the counter that we wanted it that way.

I remember the long, quiet days when we were little which I didn’t mind; and when we were older, the purely social excursions to church for the Stations of the Cross, where you dressed up and checked out (and judged) everyone you saw. I think I was 13 or 14 and I got obsessed with penny-loafer shoes which I wore with no socks and pegged jeans. I did get them though how, I cannot remember (nor why I was obsessed with them in the first place) and wore them (with a white shirt ) to church to do the Stations of the Cross.

I was looking at my feet the entire time and to this day I can remember their satisfying click on the stone floors and how the new, stiff leather chaffed at my feet but which I didn't mind.

I bought the lamb online- butterflied and boneless South Island grass-fed lamb. For dessert, I thought of making the hot-cross buns we’ve been keeping in the freezer into a bread and butter pudding.

The stuff I would swap for lamb- charcoal-grilled bangus with squid cooked in its ink and vinegar; pan-fried tilapia with a squash flower salad dressed in calamansi and fish-sauce; steamed river shrimps with an egg omelet. And the best Easter Sunday lunch? Lechon.

But this is the Easter I now celebrate so…

Day 17: Nothing much

Found a few more clothes in the garage that I’ve barely worn; and they’re clothes that aren’t exactly cheap. Ugh I know- it’s some form of addiction- buying clothes. My mom has always said that I’ve gotten my vanity from Tatay…well. So I laundered them, did an electronic mail-out for work, tried but failed to find resistance bands that I thought were in the garage, and did exercises with weights.

Exercises- still something I haven’t been able to fully do, along with writing and drawing..life is hard!

I also read somewhere that the corona virus can travel up to 13 feet, and that samples taken from the shoe soles of medical staff working with Covid-19 patients tested positive; that if you weren't cautious, your damn shoes can be carriers of the virus!

Did roast pork-belly but I still have to find that fool-proof recipe for really tender- but not falling off the bone tender- meat. Used individual springform pans for scalloped potatoes and kumara and next time, I should just omit kumara. It’s just too sweet! Might try and do a spiced kumara pie or something next time.

Did trendy charred broccoli and realised that I should have blanched it before-hand; it was a bit too al dente and there’s a fine line between burnt and charred.