ryan amor

Oi

Blogging since 2003

Ghost/s

Ghost/s

When I was at the UP, I was friends with this girl who one day, stopped being friends with me for reasons she didn't really say. Just simply stopped talking to me or even acknowledging my presence even if I was literally in front of her face.

I was literally, dead to her- a ghost. I would Google her years afterward; sneered at her face (she was never the sort you would describe as pretty even if you forced yourself to be nice); judged her job, her hair and her life in general (that's why I left Facebook because I felt that all the incessant judging I was doing was internally toxic). Yup- I literally haunted her with some sort of half-expectation that the answer as to why she stopped being friends with me would reveal itself.

Having been someone who came to friendships late in life, I've developed an independence that I think, sometimes borders on the extreme-I really wouldn't give two shits if I lived alone, or died alone. I find some sort of satisfying fulfillment and peace with my routine, my self-involved interests and my lack of social obligation save for family which to me, are not obligations at all, but commitments. That's why living in New Zealand is perfect- I hardly know anyone and that suits me just fine.

But this is not to say that I've had a lack of opportunities to form strong friendships which in this day and age of numerous digital interconnections, would have been an easy thing to do. 

But not for me; I think I've grown too fond of being invisible, of being rooted to one spot, unable to leave it, to move on. 

X and the 6th

X and the 6th

Night Out: Hola

Night Out: Hola